During my midlife tenure at divinity school, feminist theologians liberated the notion of God the Father into God the Mother. As a featured presenter this week in a free on-line summit for older women on the theme Older, Wiser, Freer: Thriving in Our Third Act, I’ve been putting a lot of thought into the feminine archetype into which our generation was born and how well (or not) it is wearing into this third act of ours. (Other presenters include Marianne Williamson, Jean Houston and Joan Borysenko. It’s not too late to sign up. Click HERE )
In her own promotional materials, event host and coach Sabrina Chaw describes her mission as helping women “in embodying the truth and power of their feminine being.” As I’ve been thinking this through, I’ve decided that this is a tall order, indeed. In some ways, the very act of fulfilling what we women think of as our potential turns against us as we age.
The feminine archetype preceded the women’s liberation movement, finding its roots not only in the mists of time but in the deep unconscious. During our lifetime, what was new, was the feminist hope that God would no longer be a male authority figure, issuing rules and rendering punishment. No longer was the God of the western traditions in which many of us were raised to be the master and king–a muscular God, conquering nature and bending it to his will. In his place, God was now to be the embodiment of love, compassion and mercy—the divine mother nurturing her children with the milk of life, abundant, inexhaustible.
As a child of the sixties, the notion of an inexhaustible cosmic mother was not new to me. Over the years, many of us transited over time through our children’s progression towards adulthood — all the while still trying to be an inexhaustible fount of nurturing to our grown offspring. This didn’t just include biological mothers, by any means. Many women without children—as well as the liberated men of our generation—embody the feminine archetype. Whether inspired by concerns for the well-being of one’s own children, or by a broader notion of legacy, many of us are in the habit of working overtime to do what we can to help stave off all the aches and pains of living for others, whether we’ve been asked to help out or not.
The ideal of Cosmic Mother is one thing. Attempting to mother the real world is another. How many nurturers do we know who even in their sixties, seventies and beyond sacrifice their own financial and psychological health and well-being to help out the kids and grandkids and/or burn-out attempting to right the wrongs of a resistant world? The answer is plenty. The feminine archetype didn’t spring out of nowhere. It is grounded in the expectations and potentialities inherent at least theoretically embodied in our own mothers—and in ourselves as mothers. Anyone big and strong enough can bully somebody. Only women can incubate and nurture new life with their own bodies.
But the truth is that even when we try our hardest—perhaps especially when we try our hardest–we are bound to disappoint. Life is hard, and the helpless creature we perceive to be in our arms, whether biologic or metaphorical, eventually figures out that we have fallen short of the ideal, leaving them to fend for themselves. Nobody is as disappointed about this as we, ourselves, most of whom are as shocked as our offspring to discover we have limits. Unlike the archetypes, eventually our milk runs dry, and it is we who need to be nurtured, filled, held. It doesn’t really work like that, though. Mothers who ask nurturing of their children become narcissists, and children who make the attempt to fill in the missing pieces for their needy parents become resentful, or stunted and dependent. While we real mothers may yet salvage love for and from others out of the deal, we are bound to disappoint. We’re disappointed with our own mothers. Our kids are disappointed with us. And men of all ages are stuck ricocheting back and forth between worshipping and dethroning us.
Elevating the feminine to the level of the divine is a tricky business, indeed. It is no accident that at the same moment Deity as Mother began impacting western conceptions of God, the duality of the justified demand for equal rights as well as reactive misogyny simultaneously reached new heights. When I look at the populist notions of power and authority that are holding sway in our country, often elevated by an association with religion, I’m pretty safe in saying our attempt at liberation was incomplete. If anything, the masculine archetype has become more entrenched—and dangerous—giving those of us who carry the feminine archetype in our psyches that much more to care about. Yes, we worked hard to penetrate and equalize the workplace—made some progress in regards to equal pay and equal opportunity. But many of us never left the sense behind that it was our special mission to do so while simultaneously nurturing the world.
This was a tall enough order when the world could at least at times appear to be a kinder, gentler place. (Or was this just denial? Witness all the revelations about sexual harassment that have been surfacing recently—years and years of abuse of the feminine swept under the rug.) Sexual abuse is one blatant abuse of masculine power. But what about the “my rocket is bigger than your rocket competitions that dominate the nightly news? The lack of compassion for fellow human beings? The systematic defilement of mother earth? And sadly so much more. With denial broken, the bones of masculinized destruction so boldly exposed, the archetypal task of the feminine has simultaneously become harder to achieve and more important than ever.
All of us need someone we can count on to kiss our bruised knee and make the pain go away.I need this, too. God help me.
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Thriving in Your Third Act Summit 2017
Register for this online event (at no charge) to learn from presenters located at the intersection of women’s empowerment and conscious aging. Some of the topics include:
- Marianne Williamson addresses the healing power of forgiveness (personally and collectively)
- Jean Houston will share about the spiritual power and wisdom that only life experience can bring.
- Cynthia James will shed light on how to optimize self-care time… and ensure a good financial foundation while doing so.
- Lynne Twist will guide you on a path of “enoughness” (in yourself, in your life, and in your resources)
- I will be speaking about Conscious Aging: growing older as spiritual practice, subject matter that pertains to all Older, Wiser, Fiercer subscribers. Also, note that 50 plus covers a lot of territory, and my sense is that this Summit’s notion of Third Act actually targets a number of life stages. In any case, you are invited to access all the interviews or pick and choose the topics that speak to you. If you tune in to my segment, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
TO LEARN MORE AND REGISTER FOR NO CHARGE , Click HERE
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