What is age to those of us living it? Having crossed the threshold into my seventies, I am filled with equal portions of wonder and dread. The young cannot possibly fathom what it means to live with one’s cheek pressed hard against the shadows.
Earlier in our lives, we had expected either to continue on as is forever, punctuated by a hard stop at the end, or to fade away gently into the dark night. We did not anticipate facing a new threshold at this age, feeling more alive than ever. The irony nearly breaks us, as we leapfrog through the mystery of age one paradox at a time.
Aging is a time full of irony. We find ourselves brimming with unexpected passion, but frequently lack the energy to see things through. We experience ourselves to be at the peak of our knowledge and abilities, only to realize that we are masters of a world that no longer exists. At times we are full of purpose; other times we wonder what it has all been for.
We who are old discover untapped reservoirs of compassion for humanity while having less patience for acquaintances than ever before. We crave to be included while yearning for solitude—to be desperately wanted but desiring only to be left alone. We are fearful we won’t have enough for the demands of the cavernous future that lies ahead while dreading the possibility that tomorrow may be our last. There is nothing quiescent or settled about any of this, even should there be moments or even long stretches of indescribable peace and joy.
But it doesn’t last, and our righteous indignation is well-justified—if useless. We’re often uncertain how much more we can bear. And yet, we pray with every fiber of our being for more.
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