Aging cedes territory on a daily basis. Every day we are somewhat weaker, somewhat slower, somewhat less connected. The only thing that comprises “more” for us is the effort it now takes to try to maintain what came to us so effortlessly just moments ago. The slippage is often so slow and slight, we become used to accepting that we have been changed before we notice what happened. But surrendering does not diminish the fact that there is pain involved.
The stage in life where one can become larger than one’s losses is over—no pushing through, battling or overcoming will have ever proven, in the end, to have been enough. Only when we let ourselves become smaller than our losses—when we grant ourselves permission to curl up in mute silence alongside our pain—can we find peace.
This does not happen suddenly or dramatically, so we will not notice a particular moment when we give up trying to overcome our difficulties and rather come to rest in God’s tender embrace. This is not an experience to be shared with others, but a private pleasure one prefers to keep to one’s self.
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