When I was young, I perceived the biggest threats to meaning as coming from outside myself. I was concerned with survival and needed God’s support to help me endure the otherwise unbearable. But with age new threats arise and God is no longer the One who saves me from the struggle. In fact, I now experience God as the One calling me to struggle.
On a good day, I see this as growth. On these days, I feel myself answering God’s call towards psychological and spiritual maturity, consenting to engage with my shadows, not just once, but for as long as necessary. But when the weather turns and the storm clouds crowd in, I can forget everything. On these days, I pity myself, asking why I have come this far—have made so many amends—only to be experiencing aspects of myself I had thought to have laid to rest long ago? Nevertheless, sooner or later, and often despite myself, I take them on. But does it really have to be so hard?
I would welcome a once and for all transcendence or conversion—God knows I’m willing–but instead find myself having to make the choice to be my better self, decision by decision. When the occasion calls for it, and I remember, I choose to be patient rather than impetuous. I choose to face my fears and flaws and struggle if not with, at least towards hope. It’s not easy, I don’t always succeed, and even when I do, it doesn’t always take.
I am embarrassed by the very notion of becoming a partner with God in this, even if only to wrestle. How audacious! I can do this if I don’t think—just do it—but seeing the words written down gives me serious pause.
Yet God is here, even in the pause, whispering to me. “Yes, dear one. Even you.”
To Continue Reading, CLICK HERE
This excerpt provides a preview of the complete Older, Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection, available now in paperback and Kindle eBook editions. To purchase, click HERE.
____________________________________
Join the conversation about Carol Orsborn’s Older, Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection in the comment section below this entry. To comment on the Collection as a whole, click HERE and scroll to the comment section below the Prologue.
Copyright © 2019 by Carol Orsborn. Permission granted by the author to share this excerpt for non-commercial purposes with proper credit given to Carol Orsborn, Older:Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection at CarolOrsborn.com. For longer or multiple excerpts, contact the author at Carol@FierceWithAge.com for written permission.
Feel free to share this providing proper credit to Carol Orsborn
and a link to CarolOrsborn.com.
