One of the greatest gifts of growing older is that we can grow to become not nearly as fascinated with our original wounds as we used to be. It’s not that we don’t sometimes feel we weren’t loved the way we deserved. But by now, we’ve run this story line so many times, it’s become boring—even to ourselves.
Of course, confronting our shadows is still one giant step up from denial. But somewhere along the line—if we are lucky—we realize that while the process of spiritual growth does indeed necessitate opening to old wounds, that’s just step one. After we have sucked the juice out of them. we are meant to get on with it.
Growing up spiritually doesn’t mean you don’t ever again experience old, familiar places of sadness, anger, jealousy, fear and despair. But when you do, you know yourself well enough to trust that you do not need to take up permanent residency. Here, in our new life stage, we at last get to experience the freedom beyond our childhood traumas and discover what it means to make fresh, life-affirming choices for ourselves.
I can assure you, this letting go of the engagement with your original wounds feels counter-intuitive at first. But there comes a time when the sheer magnitude of who you really are and what you have made of your life can no longer be circumscribed by the size of your story. You arrive at last into the realm of the awakened elder for whom over lunch, on the phone, on long walks, the conversation has changed—dramatically.
Yes, the hits keep coming, but no longer does every transgression need be assigned a villain; nor does every disappointment trigger the need to reassert control. In fact, the things we encounter while we’re living our lives no longer inspire accusations and victimhood, nor self-mortification. And that’s when things get really interesting!
Then what? What do we have to talk about with one another? How about just holding hands as we walk this next patch of life together as a prayer: cry when we must, laugh, too, and if we have to say anything at all, let it be Amen.
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