What is the evolutionary purpose of aging? At 74, I have the answer. It’s because it takes so dang many years to finally get past the illusions, coping strategies and masks we once hoped would guarantee us safe passage to instead live life to the full.
In the end, aging gets to us all, our defenses chipped away bit by bit or collapsing in one fell swoop. But then, when we least expect it, life’s lessons hit critical mass and push us over the edge where suddenly we know things that had previously eluded us. And then, life gets really, really good.
How many years exactly are we talking about? As many as it takes.
Here’s how it’s playing out for me.
Caveat: Because one of the things that age teaches us is that there are no absolutes, all of the following fall somewhere on the range between “I may possibly be in denial” to “praise God.”
Age at which I…
49: Came to terms with my own mortality (breast cancer)
50: Embraced the fact that it’s harder to live than to die but is the preferred alternative
60: Discovered that all you really need is a couple of close friends—or a dog
62: Stopped believing the financial planners who scared us into thinking we’d need multi-millions to retire
63: Came to believe that no matter how compelling the evidence, nearly all of what we fear most isn’t real
64: Realized that what others think of me is entirely their business
65: Established the criteria by which to determine which physical interventions to undergo versus which infirmities I can live with
66: Stopped thinking that it is my job to help, fix, save others UNLESS they ask for help
67: Understood that the meaning of life is love, but only when tendered without conditions
68: Forgave my mother
69: Came to realize that no job, role or degree of adulation is worth it if it takes more out of you than you care to give
70: After decades, stopped grieving our empty nest
71: No longer believed others have it better than me
72: Took the risk of setting healthy boundaries with those who matter the most to me–and didn’t die
73: Stopped thinking that it is my job to help, fix, save others EVEN when they ask for help
74: Realized that it’s hopeless to believe that I’ll ever recover entirely from my original wound so might as well learn to live with it
Today at age 74, 9 Days and counting: Gave up celebrating what a prodigy I am, or alternately, worrying that I’m lagging seriously behind and am finally just getting on with it, praise God.
