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At its best, aging is a time of irony and disruption. We find ourselves brimming with unexpected passion, but frequently lack the energy to see things through. We experience ourselves to be at the peak of our knowledge and abilities, only to realize that we are masters of a world that no longer exists. At times we are full of purpose; other times we wonder what it has all been for.
We humans, we are incorrigible, but we do try. And awareness of the gap between our aspirations regarding who we wish we and the world were and the reality of what we have to work with is as close to holy as human beings can tolerate.
Aging in our Particular Times
Ever since turning 50 twenty years ago, I have been dedicated to aging in such a way that is both fierce with reality and passionately alive. But we did not expect to be coming into age in these unexpectedly perilous times. It is clear that our world needs our wise elders more than ever. More than this, we who have lived long and well must become the wise elders. But how shall we accomplish this when at the same time, we feel so disoriented?
As a result of editing the Fierce with Age Digest for the past seven years, I have been immersed in the wisdom of elders who have endured times equally or even more disruptive than our own to point the way. Spurred on by their courage, insight and wisdom, the disempowering aspect to my disillusionment faded away and I literally wrote myself back into the heartbeat of life.
Through this blog, I have found my voice again, and have discovered that I’ve got a lot to say. This blog is more than a vehicle for one voice, however. This blog also aspires to be a forum for the Older, Wiser, Fiercer and the Fierce with Age community. I hope you will join in the conversation in the comment section below each blog as it is published at CarolOrsborn.com as we become older, wiser and fiercer together.
Blog Themes
We Who are Old
The true nature of aging to those of us living it
What is age to those of us living it? What are the paradoxes and promise of aging as experienced by we who are living it? The young cannot possibly fathom what it means to live with one’s cheek pressed hard against the shadows. Earlier in our lives, we had expected either to continue on as is forever, punctuated by a hard stop at the end, or to fade away gently into the dark night. We did not expect to be facing a new threshold, feeling more alive than ever. The irony nearly breaks us, as we leapfrog through the mystery of age one paradox at a time.
The Paradox of Relatedness
The tension between wanting to belong and the desire for solitude
What is the challenge of loving others at the intersection of old age and our perilous times? We who have endured the most decades have had the opportunity to witness patterns of loving and wounding, ambition and disappointment, advance and setback cycling through time on well-worn tracks. Never have we had more to share, and never have we felt more marginalized. We struggle with our wanting to belong—and the desire for solitude. Paradoxically, it is on the margins that we develop new capacities to not only experience our greatest love, but to discover that we are beloved.
Our Times
The state of the world in our culminating moment
It is not easy to be old in these times, wishing one had done or could do more. We aim to be the bigger person, but why do so many people have to be asleep, stupid, selfish and just plain bad? What are our obligations and limitations, navigating a world that has clearly spun out of our control? The call is to make a sincere attempt to find common ground with those who we find disagreeable. Of course, you must not leave your truth behind. But at the same time, you don’t always need to be bludgeoning others about with your convictions, either.
Fierce with Reality
Growing not only old but whole
What are the barriers and complexities of what it takes to become one’s authentic self? We look to our shadow, reclaiming much of what we’d rejected about ourselves and our lives as well as jettisoning previously useful aspects that we’ve outgrown. At our age, this very triumph of the spirit is often dismissed by others as “eccentric” or “cranky.” We fear rejection, but come to realize that in becoming more fully ourselves, we are not just being difficult, we are becoming whole.
Defeat and Victory
What is lost, what is gained through aging
What is the relationship between suffering and spiritual growth? How ironic it is that the things we fear most can become catalysts for what we most value: the deepest appreciation of life, the greatest capacity for joy and the unspeakable grace of a heart broken open. But suffering is no guarantee. We are just as likely to become hard and bitter should we refuse the invitation hardship issues to us to break open rather than shore up. That said, some degree of suffering is at the very least a prerequisite for transformation. And since suffering come to us all, we are all candidates.
The Legacy of Being
Anticipated regret and unexpected passion
Legacies are both personal and generational. Where have we succeeded, and where have we fallen short? I confess that I so believed in our generation’s commitment to love and justice, I was certain that zeitgeist would do the heavy lifting for us. Not anymore. My misguided faith in the trajectory of history has at last grown teeth. Words are being voiced that should have been spoken years ago. Habits that once offered comfortable places to hide are being confronted and smashed. Inconvenient emotions and intuitions are being heeded. But will this bear fruit in our lifetime? One must believe that the sum of our efforts can yet have value for others, even if only to warn.
That I May Smile Again
Why our last days matter most
I believe I have prepared myself for a good death. But secretly, I wonder which of my friends will go the distance with me should I linger too long or suffer too greatly? Will I maintain my trust in my conviction that I am beloved by God, or will I spoil the end hoping for reward and fearing punishment? For the time being, I believe that it must all be for something—lessons learned, pain endured, kindness given and received, courage summoned and forgiveness levied.
About My Influences
Over the past 7 years, I have served as editor of Fierce with Age: The Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration and Spirituality. As a result, I have been immersed in the brilliant and insightful work of thought leaders from a wide array of disciplines and eras including Ram Dass, John C. Robinson, May Sarton, Richard Rohr, Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, Zalman Schachter-Salomi and Joan Chittister. There are close to a thousand entries in the Digest, each one contributing a helpful perspective on conscious aging to the communal knowledge base.
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