Fifty years ago this month, I met my husband Dan atop a scaffold at a rock and roll concert in a warehouse, the Hell’s Angels serving as security and my husband part of the psychedelic light show crew. My parents didn’t approve of their college junior dating an ex-sailor fresh from Viet Nam. He had wasted no time throwing his uniform into the trash, joining a band and growing his hair long, and for both of us, it was love at first sight.
Dan represented freedom, itself, to me. I was tired of conforming to my parents’ expectations and instead began to ask what it was that I wanted for myself? This young man had all the attributes I valued—curiosity, kindness, creativity, courage—and if I had to go through the pain of being disowned because he didn’t measure up to my parents’ expectations—so be it. I chose wisely—survived the period in which both parental funds and affection were withheld—and initiated, in dramatic fashion, the twin spirits of independence and love that have been the hallmark of our life together for 50 years.
It would be no surprise in this retelling that 1969 was also the year I took an elective as part of my UC Berkeley coursework titled “Freedom,” Political Science 101X. Boasting a stellar faculty, hundreds applied to enroll but only 25 got in. The experiential class was supposed to allow students to explore the meaning and experience of freedom, culminating with making a film based on our discussions.
In a class called “Freedom,” students continually attempted to relate to one another and the subject matter authentically while professors insisted on analyzing, abstracting, killing whatever students proposed. The professors then proceeded to do what they had wanted to do in the first place. One wrote the script, one directed, we students relegated to bit parts in mob scenes, and carrying cameras and props. Rumor had it that the film was finished and installed in the university archives, but only the professors had seen it and at any rate, most of us had already quit the course.
In search of true freedom, I embarked upon my real education, planting and nurturing the seeds of a life worth living. In addition to initiating and deepening my relationship with Dan, I read, thought and wrote a lot about my values. After escaping my teargas-filled Telegraph Avenue apartment following the explosive protest at People’s Park, Dan and I went north to take long walks on the beach. We talked about what we wanted out of life, the changes in society we knew were necessary. Exposing myself to spiritual writings from multiple eras, regions and traditions, I began to challenge the internal as well as external constrictions that had previously limited my thinking.
More often than not over the many years since, I have continued to do my best to live according to my authentic core and values. Of course, I had no idea how challenging this would turn out to be. At 70, with seven decades under my belt, I find myself feeling exceptionally tender towards the year that changed my life, less a case of nostalgia for 1969 than of gratitude, for the 20-year-old who, above all, made the commitment to live life to the full, come what may.
This is an excerpt from the recently published Are You Still Listening? 1969 Stories and Essays by eight of us who were witnesses to this transformative year and who survived to tell the tale. This book will be the subject of the Conscious Aging Book Club (CABC) 10:30 a.m. June 6 meeting at Parnassus Books, Nashville. To join the CABC email list, please email me at Corsborn@aol.com with the subject line CABC.
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Carol Orsborn, Ph.D., is Founder of Fierce with Age, the free monthly Digest of Boomer Wisdom, Inspiration and Spirituality. Carol, who earned her doctorate in the history and critical theory of religion specializing in adult and spiritual development from Vanderbilt University, is the best-selling author of 30 books, including The Spirituality of Age: A Seeker’s Guide to Growing Older (co-author Dr. Robert L. Weber), winner of gold in the category of Consciously Aging, Nautilus Book Awards 2015. Carol’s blog Older, Wiser, Fiercer is available at CarolOrsborn.com.
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