Live long and well enough, then someday—seemingly out of nowhere, rising like a phoenix from the ashes–you will be swept with unexpected tenderness for yourself and for others: the whole human drama in which you have given life more than you knew you had in you, but it was still not enough. Only then, when your ego has been shattered and who you once thought you were has turned to dust, can you finally see and accept the love—flawed as it may have been–that had been there all along.
We recognize the embers of goodness and meaning that have persisted despite everything, glowing through the ashes of our failed expectations. We recall all of it, leave nothing out, and at the very moment we embrace the imperfection of it all, we are redeemed.
Of course, as the narratives about life and death tend to go, it would be most elegant if all this happened to coincide with our last breath. Isn’t this the ultimate culmination—the simultaneous confession and deliverance? It’s easier that way, dissolving into joy and the redemption of meaning along with your final exhale without having to give yourself time and opportunity to screw up again. But why work so hard for psycho-spiritual liberation well before one’s last breath if there were no hope of awakening from illusion earlier over the course of our lives, with time to spare?
It’s not easy. It’s not elegant. But it is possible. Moment by moment: you have over or underestimated your strength; you over or underestimated your bad habits; there’s something else to try; there is no cure. The imperfections still sting; the lack of control still vexes; the successes still inflate; the guilt and grief remain potent. Even so, you can wake up—long before your last breath. But to stay awake, you would have to forgive yourself, forgive it all, accept it all, love it all over and over again in real time.
I have been graced with a great gift, having stumbled across the awakened hearts of others, crying out in pain and joy; and I am simultaneously breaking open and healing my own heart along the way. I write this, as vulnerable, grateful and fresh as I have ever been, inhabiting my life and my world awake just enough to know that something is over for me that I will miss terribly but do not want back.
To Continue Reading, CLICK HERE
This excerpt provides a preview of the complete Older, Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection, available now in paperback and Kindle eBook editions. To purchase, click HERE.
____________________________________
Join the conversation about Carol Orsborn’s Older, Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection in the comment section below this entry. To comment on the Collection as a whole, click HERE and scroll to the comment section below the Prologue.
Copyright © 2019 by Carol Orsborn. Permission granted by the author to share this excerpt for non-commercial purposes with proper credit given to Carol Orsborn, Older:Wiser, Fiercer: The Wisdom Collection at CarolOrsborn.com. For longer or multiple excerpts, contact the author at Carol@FierceWithAge.com for written permission.
Feel free to share this providing proper credit to Carol Orsborn
and a link to CarolOrsborn.com.
